


Anybody's Name

by bloodofinnocence



Series: accepting and rejecting (revived) [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gardens & Gardening, Hair Dyeing, Homophobic Language, Kinda, Lots of Cursing, M/M, Slurs, its a school garden so its basically the same thing, lots of italics, mikey is an asshole, most of the story doesnt make sense but thats okay, none pizza with left beef mention, rocket baby dolls mention, smelling the homo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 09:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 9,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2542277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodofinnocence/pseuds/bloodofinnocence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know, I think it's about all this shit everybody tells you. Some say it's the best time of your life. Some say it's making them suicidal. The thing is, High School is just High School. And if you get stuck on the idea that High School sucks ass, it's gonna suck ass. It's what you make of it. It's literally that easy."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arriving

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by badmcrfics' "how to write a frerard high school au"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Gerard entered the class, the first thing he knew is the paper ball that missed his head by like 2 inches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe you could tell me in the comments about what bothers you about my writing style so i can try to improve it.

As Gerard entered the class, the first thing he knew is the paper ball that missed his head by like 2 inches.

“Hey fag, who the fuck are you?” A booming voice cut through the room, silencing every conversation and turning all eyes on him. Fantastic.

Gerard ignored them all as he made his way through the rows of desks. They were not like in his old school where there was always a respectable space of at least 5 feet between the desks, no, they were pushed together to one big table for at least 8 students to _cuddle_. Fuck this school. He shouldn't have turned up.

As he squeezed himself through the chairs and the people sitting on the desks behind, he could feel every single pair of eyes on him. It was like they smelled the homo on him. Unbelievable.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, cocksucker!" came the voices again.

Gerard wondered if he could maybe convince his mom to send him to an other school when something hit him hard on the side of the head, the force of it making him fly halfway over the stupid fucking desk he was just trying to sit down at.

"What the _fuck_ ", he croaked out into the silence of the classroom _,_ and as if he was breaking a spell, the room suddenly filled with noise. His head was swimming a bit, and it took him a while to understand that the object that formerly made contact with his head was _a fucking book_ , and the noise was _laughter_. They were _fucking laughing at him_.

When Gerard finally sat down, dumping his backpack _behind_ him, because there was no room anywhere else, and carefully touching under his eye where he can already feel the approaching swelling, he wondered what exactly he did to make God hate him like that.


	2. Kids and Cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another one of those aggro kids. He couldn't believe his luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe you could tell me in the comments about what bothers you about my writing style so i can try to improve it.

This was fucked up. It was the first day, and he was fucking up. He couldn't help it, though. At least he'd tried. His mom would probably understand.

Hopefully.

He ended up in the park.

It was actually nicer than the park back at home – or, what used to be his home. Even though it was small. _Actually_ it was small enough for him to see that nobody was around, which could be counted as a plus. (See, he's getting better at this whole _Looking at the good sides of everything_ thing.)

There was a hedge running along one side, dividing the green area from the street, and on the other side there was kind of like a forest, only it was not a forest because you can look through the trees over a … plant nursery? A residence and what looked like a greenhouse on a small field. He would have to check this out later.

The wind was blowing through the trees and shrubs lining the park and it was kind of chilly, but the early November sun was making the park glow and radiate some kind of peaceful warmth.

Gerard just decided that he would definitively come here more often when he rounded a tree and spotted a child sitting there in the grass about 25 feet away from him, holding something in its hands.

So much for his plan. He must have missed it when he took the park in, the kid _is_ really small after all.

Gerard was about to turn around and go home and damn this shit piece of a small town to all and eternal hell while laying in bed and doing exactly nothing when he heard a yell and the kid jumped up and dropped _a cat_ on the grass, which was now running away into the bushes.

“ _Shit_ , fucking _beast_ , god fucking damn it …“

Gerard brought his eyes from the branches the cat disappeared into back to the boy, ready to tell him that for a, what, 8 year old, he had a dirty fucking mouth, when he finds the boy already looking at him, all crazy eyes and wild hair, and it was not a _child_ , it was a fucking _teenager_ which is _way fucking better_ than he had expected.

“What the fuck are you staring at!?,“ the boy snarled.

Another one of those aggro kids. He couldn't believe his luck.

Now, Gerard is not aggressive, nor is he an asshole to children. But today had sucked (and it wasn't even 10 am yet), and it seems like everybody has conspired against him; first his mom with fucking moving all the way to the other end of the U.S. and forcing him to go to school _5 hours after their arrival_ , then fucking Bert fucking cheating on him _while on the fucking phone with him_ , Mikey abandoning him as soon as they set foot on school grounds, and last but not least the stupid fucking ass wipe that threw a fucking _book_ at his head, and now _this_. He knew he should turn around and go home, but instead he glared at the boy and growled at him, “What the fuck are _you_ staring at, pip-squeak?”

The boy looked taken aback, but surprise quickly turned into anger. He took a step towards Gerard. “Fucking take that back, Sasquatch!”

Gerard snorted. “Or what, you gonna rat me out to your parents?”

Whatever Gerard was expecting him to do, it was not to close the space between them in five strides, jump a bit and throw his fist in Gerard's face.

It would have been hilarious if it hadn't hurt so fucking much.

There was a short silence where the boy just looked at him, anger still visible on his face but luckily less strong, watching Gerard as he clutched his cheek. He could feel his other eye swell now, too.

That would be fun to explain to his mother later.

Gerard slowly turned to meet the boys eyes with a disbelieving look. “What the _fuck._ ”

The boy took a step back and crossed his arms, no longer angry but obviously annoyed. “I told you.”

“You punched me!”

“I _told_ you!”

Gerard frowned. He took a step back, too, and actually looked at the boy standing in front of him. It was really no surprise that he mistook him for a child: the boy was like 3 feet tall, the gray Rihanna shirt he was wearing way too big for him. He had dark hair, and there was eyeliner smudged around his eyes. “How old are you even?”

“Seventeen,” the boy answered quickly and threw his head back a little in a failed attempt of a defiant pose.

“Bullshit,” he shot back, “you fucking look eight.”

The boy's eyes flared again. “I do _not_ fucking look eight, you fucker! You want me to punch you again!?,” he snapped. “What do you even care!?”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck yourself.”

Gerard squinted at the boy. “Aren't you supposed to be in school or something?”

The boy squinted back at Gerard. “I could totally ask you the same.”

Gerard huffed. This was bullshit. He should have went home.

He was just about to turn around and leave when the boy spoke up again, his voice calmer now and laced with curiosity, “What even happened to your eye?”

Gerard eyed the kid. “What do you even care?,” he pitched his voice to imitate the boy's one.

The boy's face hardened again. “O-fucking-kay. You're right. What do I even care?” He took another step back, turned around and walked away.

Gerard rolled his eyes. “I got hit. With a book.”

As expected, the boy stopped immediately and turned back to Gerard. His voice filled with doubt he repeated, “With a _book_.”

Gerard shrugged and nodded.

The disbelief slowly left the boys face and amusement flickered in his eyes. “Because you're gay?”

Gerard felt his cheeks heat up. “ _What?_ ” What the fuck?

The boy's arms fell to his sides again as he threw his head back a bit and laughed. “Don't even front! Oh my god, I –“

“How the fuck do you even _know?_ ” _What the fuck?_

“Dude, I can literally smell the homo on you,” the boy grinned at him, but as soon as he saw Gerard's terrified expression he tried to school his face (which he failed miserably at, but Gerard could appreciate the attempt.) “Oh, come on, I won't hit you with a book for being gay.”

Gerard wasn't exactly sure if he believed him, but at least he was out of range for another punch. Just in case.

“Thanks, I guess?,” and after a moment of contemplation, he added, “I'm Gerard.”

“Frank.”


	3. School Gardening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ah, yeah, you must be Jared."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe tell me what bothers you about the writing style so i can improve it yea

The situation at school, miraculously, got better.

Apparently some kid has told a teacher what happened and the asshole got detention for 'Disturbance of the Collective Workspace' or whatever they want to call it, so now everybody was just ignoring him.

Which he was fine with! Totally. The thing with being ignored, though, is that he doesn't have anybody to copy the stuff he missed when he skipped that first day, which meant he didn't know what homework he had to do, which meant he was fucked.

Amazingly enough, the school seemed to have a garden that, after the last caretaker retired a few years back, nobody cared for anymore, so the school lets you choose between detention and pulling up weeds on a certain number of patches which depends on which rules you broke in which kind of way or something like that. They told him that skipping a day usually was three patches, but since he was there for the first class they were generous enough to only give him two patches.

When he arrived in the school garden, there were two guys and a girl sitting on a bench in front of a garden shed. One of the guys had a huge amount of make-up in his face, the other one had kind of awesome hair, and the girl had a very beautiful smile that she was showing right now as she was apparently telling the guys a joke, judging by the almost-grin that was etched into the-guy-with-the-hair's face and the expectantly raised eyebrows of the-guy-with-the-make-up as they listened to the girl.

Before she could tell the punchline, though, her eyes met Gerards as he awkwardly stood around at the gate, not quite trusting himself to go any further. The amusement in her face was quickly replaced by curiosity, and she poked the-guy-with-the-hair in the side.

Gerard spontaneously decided that it would maybe be best if he would get over himself and introduce himself before they all thought he was a social mess (which would be kind of true, but he really wasn't _that_ bad), so before he could chicken out, he took a few steps into the garden and said, "Hi, uhm, I, er -"

 _Fantastic_.

The-guy-with-the-hair understood, apparently, and got up to meet him halfway down the little path between the patches, stopping about three feet away from Gerard and holding out his hand. "Ah, yeah, you must be Jared. I'm Ray." Then he pointed behind himself to the two others and added, "And they are Hayley and Ryan."

Behind Ray, Hayley and Ryan waved at him.

Gerard took Rays hand and awkwardly shook it a little before letting go and waving back at the other two. He said, "Uhm, actually it's Gerard, you know, like, with a G and very french."

Ray just smiled at him and nodded. "Oh, sorry. Mrs Berrycloth kinda has a hard time with names."

Gerard dumbly nodded back at him. "Of course."

 

Ray and Hayley turned out to be really nice. Apparently Ray was halfway in a band (which was extremely cool), and Hayley was in a local dance group club kinda thing (which, admittedly, wasn't as cool as being in a band but Gerard always had huge respect for dancers, seeing that he himself has the flexibility of a plank).

Ryan was kind of weird, though. Sometimes his eyes would drift up and he would sit there in the middle of a patch, covered in dirt, and stare a hole into the air for five minutes straight before Ray or Hayley would call him out on it. He also seemed to never smile, which is a little bit worrying because Hayley's jokes really were hilarious (but maybe they just weren't his taste?).

Gerard later found out that Ryan hadn't smiled since he broke his arm throwing a baseball in eighth grade.

To be honest, Gerard probably wouldn't have gotten over something like that either.

However, when he sat at lunch the next day, eating his mom's cold lasagna in the far corner of the cafeteria where nobody would bother him, Ryan appeared next to him to ask if he could sit with Gerard at lunch.

Needless to say, Gerard agreed.


	4. Mom's Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank sure was a weird kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe tell me about what bothers you about my writing style so i can improve it ok

"What's even the deal with your shirt?"

Frank looked down at Rihannas face on his chest. "It's my mom's."

Gerard frowned a bit. "Why are you wearing your mom's t-shirt?"

Frank's eyes went back to Gerard's. "Why are you wearing your mom's make-up?"

Frank sure was a weird kid. One minute he was being this little piece of punk shit, all about proving himself and living his dream with a _Fuck Everyone_ attitude, and the next he was suddenly just a small guy with a huge heart and mind, being all nice and checking in if you're okay (and even helping Gerard with his Maths homework!). He also had a fucked up sense of humor; apparently his favourite kinds of jokes included goat heads on moth's bodies, and some thing he calls "None Pizza with Left Beef", and it was kind of stupid because his giggle was high and weird and his face twisted in a way that just wasn't attractive _at all_. But when Frank laughed, his eyes seemed to sparkle and Gerard couldn't look away because he could totally see how genuine Frank's amusement was and there was not enough laughing in his life anyways so Frank's plain _weird_ behaviour just kind of made him really happy.

Gerard was startled out of his thoughts by a sudden movement in his peripheral vision.

Frank, too, was looking around them and seemed to have found his target when the bushes near them rustled and a small, charcoal coloured cat poked its head out of between the branches.

And they both smiled.


	5. Mikey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard watched from a distance as the school doors opened abruptly, knocking out a kid and sending another one flying into the hedge running along the walls of the building.

Gerard watched from a distance as the school doors opened abruptly, knocking out a kid and sending another one flying into the hedge running along the walls of the building.

Out came no other than Gabe Saporta, all high and mighty, stalking out of the school followed by what Hayley called “his guard dogs”.

Beside Gabe, though, arms linked with the taller boy and head held high as some poor kid gets pushed out of his way, was Mikey.

"Who the fuck is that?" Hayley asked what they all must think.

Gerard sighed. "That's my brother."

Ryan turned to Gerard. "Your _brother_?" He seemed to be a little bit red, but Gerard chalked it off to the weather. The sun was too strong for the middle of November today.

Gerard nodded.

"No offence," Ray chimed in, "but your brother is kind of an asshole."

As if he heard, Mikey's eyes met Gerard's and he flashed him a smile.

"Yeah, he kind of is," Gerard mumbled.

"Why isn't he with you, though? Why is he with those snob-idiots?" Hayley asked, frowning.

He shrugged. "I don't know. He actually promised me that he won't run off again this year, but there he was, leaving me alone as soon as we set a foot on school grounds."

"What an asshole," Hayley repeated.

Gerard nodded once again as he watched Mikey get into what he assumed to be Gabe's car and drive off.


	6. Hair (The Moment)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wanna dye my hair, and you need to help me cut it and all."

When Gerard entered the park on Friday, Frank already came jogging over to him.

"You gotta help me!" he called.

Gerard stopped short. "With what?" he asked warily.

Frank grinned. He practically buzzed with energy. "I wanna dye my hair, and you need to help me cut it and all." At the unsure look on Gerard's face he added, "my mom would have done it but she's gone over the weekend, and I only have you as an option left. Pretty please?" and pouted a bit.

 

"I want it, like, to be like a mohawk, but not really, you know?" Frank said, pulling a bit at his hair while looking at Gerard in the mirror of his tiny bathroom.

Gerard frowned as he watched Frank in the weak light, nervously fiddling the hair trimmer in his hands. "Not really."

Frank let go of his hair and sat down on the stool they brought with them from the hallway. "There's literally no way you can fuck this up, I promise. You can do it!"

So Gerard did.

 

"There's too much bleach left! Where am I gonna put all the bleach?" Gerard panicked.

Frank, for that matter, could only laugh. "Put it in your hair!"

" _What?_ No way!"

He grinned up at Gerard and said, "come on! What's the worst thing that could happen?"

Gerard shuddered. "My scalp could die!"

Frank cracked up. "Just do it, you big fucking Drama-Queen, put it in your hair!"

So Gerard did.


	7. Hair (The Aftermath)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dude, what happened to your hair!?”

“Dude, what happened to your hair!?” Hayley called from all the way across the parking lot. Gerard tensed.

Immediately, at least 50 pairs of eyes fixed on him.

Uneasy, he made his way over to where Hayley stood with Ray, the strange stares itching on his back. As soon as they were within ear-shot he said, “I bleached it.”

Hayley raised her eyebrow. “I can see that?”

Ray rolled his eyes beside her. “Why are you asking then? Besides to alert the whole fucking school.”

The girl tensed and squinted at Ray. “Shut the fuck up, Ray.”

Apparently they weren't exactly on good terms today. Gerard briefly wondered what could have happened, but Hayley went back to inspect his hair.

“Can I touch it?”

“What?” Gerard choked out. _What?_

“Hayley!” Ray hissed. “What's even wrong with you today?”

She spared him no look, pouted – actually _pouted –_ at Gerard and added, “Please?”

Ray looked at him apologetically. “Of course you don't have to, man. I have no idea what's her problem–”

Hayley's eye twitched. Gerard swallowed and gave her a small nod. “Erm. Go ahead.”

For the first time that day she gave him a smile and reached up to card her fingers through his hair, gently pulling on a few strands. “Totally feels dead. Like hay.”

“That's probably because it got fried,” Ray threw in.

“I like it,” Ryan said next to Gerard, making the new-blond boy jump a little bit and Hayley take her hands back. Curiosity flashed over Ryan's face and he raised his right hand to mimic the girl's previous action, but stopped midway.

Gerard stared at the other boy's hand for a few seconds, unmoving right next to his face as if Ryan didn't know what to do with it now. Taking a look at Ryan's face actually confirmed that thought – he's blushed a deep shade of red.

A few seconds of awkward silence passed.

Gerard cleared his throat. “Uhm. Do you .. wanna .. touch it … ?”, he asked articulately.

Ryan looked so relieved, it was actually a little bit ridiculous. Gerard wasn't going to judge.

Unlike Hayley, Ryan barely brushed the strands, but he seemed content. “The cut is nice, too. Did you do it yourself?”

“Actually a friend cut it for me,” Gerard answered, “we were dyeing his hair and there was so much bleach left, so he just decided we'd do my hair, too.”

“Good choice,” Ryan said, taking his hand back. His face still looked a little bit flushed, but mostly returned to it's natural colour. “It suits you.”

Gerard smiled. “Thank you.”


	8. The Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, Gerard still couldn't quite believe he was actually in the library. He hadn't been in one since he was 10 years old and the librarian yelled at him because his book was two days overdue.

“Ryan says he likes my hair.”

Frank looked up from his book to where Gerard is browsing the shelves of the Art History section. “Who's Ryan?”

“From school. Met him in detention,” Gerard answered, pulling out a book on Impressionism and skimming the summary on the back.

Frank raised an eyebrow and grinned. “You already got detention? Jesus Christ, Gerard, I wouldn't have thought that you were such a rebel,” he said.

Gerard rolled his eyes and looked over to Frank. “That was for the day I skipped after the first class to get punched by the little punk kid in that park.”

The other boy laughed. “Well, skipping can't be that bad if you end up making two new friends.”

“Four.”

The laughter stilled. “What?”

Gerard grinned smugly at him as he laid the book on his stack. “Four friends. Ray and Hayley were in detention, too.”

“Wow. Now you're surprising me,” Frank said, actually looking genuinely surprised for a moment before his stupid smirk returns, “I wouldn't have thought you'd find that many friends.”

“Fuck you.”

“Buy me dinner first.”

 

To be honest, Gerard still couldn't quite believe he was actually in the library. He hadn't been in one since he was 10 years old and the librarian yelled at him because his book was two days overdue.

“You'll have to get over yourself one day, and it might as well be today,” Frank had said when he told him about the incident. Then he had pointed to his backpack, which had looked like it was just about to explode, and added, “and it might as well be right now.”

“Who'd have known the little punk who punched me in the face was a bookworm,” Gerard had said with a grin in his face.

“So what? I can't be punk if I like books? Who made up _this_ shitty rule? And besides, everybody working there is fucking strawberry sugar, I'm telling you.”

Frank had looked so serious when he said that, Gerard had been laughing out loud. “ _Strawberry sugar_ ?”

But the short boy hadn't been bothered by Gerard at all. “Yeah man! My mom is friends with the boss, she's from Germany and has the coolest stories! Like about the underground scenes or the music in East Germany or dancing on the Berlin Wall!  _She's so_ _cool_ .”

“So that's where you got that attitude from? From the Punk Library Lady?” Gerard had laughed.

Frank had stopped bouncing at that, suddenly realizing that Gerard was making fun of him. “Well, I sure as hell ain't got it from my mom now, do I?”

Gerard had nodded at that, still grinning. “Fair enough. Let me help you with that backpack, fun-size.”

“Fuck off, lumberjack,” but in the end, he had let Gerard carry the books for him.

 

“Hey, you ready to go? Mom will be back home soon, and it's my turn cooking, so we'd have to get back.”

Gerard tensed. “Oh.” Right. Frank had a family and stuff to do. He didn't know exactly what time it was but the sun had set a while ago already, and suddenly Gerard felt bad for keeping Frank here when he had to do things just because Gerard couldn't decide which DVDs he wanted to get. He awkwardly got up and went to pick up his books. “Yeah, of course.”

Frank looked over to him. “Oh my god, don't be like that, please,” he said suddenly.

“What? Be like what? I'm not like anything,” Gerard squeaked. He mentally punched himself at how stupid he sounded.

“I was gonna ask you to stay for dinner anyway!” He grinned a bit. “Mom wants to meet the boy who made her son pretty again.”

And his brain-mouth filter, just like his intelligence, seemed to disappear as he threw in, “You were pretty before.”

Shit.

Frank stared at him.

Gerard stared back. He felt like his head was going to explode with all the blood flowing there.

Then Frank's lips stretched into a wide grin as he says, “Oh, come on, you big corny wedge of cheese. Let's go home.”

But he smiled all the way back to his house.


	9. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My mom is super sweet, she'll probably just ask what you're up to these days and then go to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is stupid. sorry

“I'm kinda nervous.”

Frank sniffed and smiled a bit. “You don't have to be, really. My mom is super sweet, she'll probably just ask what you're up to these days and then go to sleep.”

Gerard chewed on his bottom lip, tears burning in his eyes. “Okay, if you say so.” He swallowed and looked around the small kitchen. His back started hurting from the way he hunched over on the counter so he wouldn't bump his head against the cabinets. “Hey, can I help you with anything?”

The smaller boy sniffed again and looked up from the onions he was chopping. “Yeah, sure, uhm. Maybe get out the plates and stuff? It's right next to your head.”

“Alright.”

 

Linda was small. But not only because of her height – her voice was small, too, and she looked like she could barely hold her head up. She seemed ill, the dark rings under her eyes contrasting her skin, pale like frosted glass, and the way she moved slowly into the kitchen to greet her son and his friend. The smile on her lips when Frank went to give her a _Welcome Home_ kiss was sad.

But even though the woman seemed so fragile, she never held back her laugh. (Even when Frank told her Gerard's disgusting priest joke she laughed like it was the best joke she had ever heard.) It was a clear, ringing sound, so full of life and completely unlike her appearance. Her eyes seemed to sparkle just like Frank's, and when her giggles slowly died down the colour still remained in her cheeks for a few minutes, giving Gerard a glimpse of how beautiful the tiny woman actually was.

 

Like Frank said, after dinner she excused herself with a kiss for her son and a soft hand shake for his friend and went to her room. Gerard and Frank cleaned the dishes together before Gerard said his good-bye and went to go home.

He was just down Frank's front yard when he heard the door open again behind him and Frank's voice calling out to him, “Gerard! Wait a minute!”

Gerard stopped and turned around to ask what's up but the thought flew out of his mind when Frank crashed into him, making him lose his balance and landing them both on top of each other on the damp, chilly ground.

After a few seconds of shocked silence, Frank raised his head from the older boys chest.

Gerard was painfully aware at how close Frank's face was to his, the way Frank's elbow jabbed into his rib cage, Frank's stupid pointy hip pressed into his leg, especially when Frank poked a finger into his side, making him want to wriggle out from under the other boy, and giggle his stupid weird giggle that was nothing like his mother's.

“You're soft.”

Gerard felt his face flush. “Well, you're bony as fuck.”

At that, Frank pushed his face back into Gerard's chest and giggle some more in the probably too thin fabric of Gerard's jacket. He could feel the vibration in his fucking bones. “You have no idea just how _bony_ I am.”

There was so much blood in Gerard's head, he probably should have passed out by then.

Frank pushed his head up again. “I'm not prepared for this kinda talk, man,” he grinned. “I just wanted –,” he said and started wriggling on top of Gerard again, and then his hand was in in front their faces. Between forefinger and middle finger he held a piece of paper. Then he continued, “– to give you my number.”

“And you had to run me over for that?” Gerard retorted as he took the piece of paper from Frank's hand.

“I was feeling lucky.”

Gerard rolled his eyes. “Get off, you freak,” but there was no venom in his voice.

As soon as Frank was upright, he held his hand out for Gerard, and suddenly Gerard found himself nose-to-nose to Frank _again_.

His jacket was definitively too thin. It was cold. The wind was blowing through the trees lining the streets, and somewhere down the road a few cats got into a fight. Frank was warm. His breath was hot on Gerard's face, his eyes shining in the weak street lights and his hand sending tingles up the older boy's arm and into his chest.

“Good night, I guess,” Gerard said.

“Good night, Gerard,” Frank replied, and the smile on his lips was the same as the one on their way here.

 

That night, Gerard drew Frank's eyes for the first time.


	10. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I do believe that loneliness does not come from basements but from a lack of social interaction.”

“I can't get over your hair. It's kinda awesome. What's gonna change next? Do we have to get you out of the basement?”

Gerard rolled his eyes. His character died. “Fuck off, Mikey.”

His brother just laughed and pressed Restart.

He pursed his lips. “Although,” he continued, “it _is_ starting to get lonely down there.”

“I'm not an expert on those things, so excuse me, but I do believe that loneliness does not come from basements but from a lack of social interaction.” A smug grin appeared on Mikey's lips. “Speaking of!”

Gerard groaned. His character died again. He pressed Restart.

“Gabe's dad owns the bar on the edge of the town and Gabe invited me to a gig of some british band next Saturday. You wanna come?”

“I don't know.” Actually, Gerard _did_ know, he'd love to go, but he didn't exactly like Gabe. He seemed arrogant and stupid and Gerard simply didn't want to be involved with him.

But Mikey didn't care anyway. “I don't think you understand. When I say 'You wanna come?' I actually mean 'Come or I'll make you.'”


	11. Gabe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spontaneously decided to leave out a chapter because it would unnessecarily add some characters that wouldnt appear again anyways  
> hey maybe leave a comment so i know what bothers you about that bullshit im making up here okay

“Gee! Gerard! G-man, the Geez Master! Hey!”

A heavy arm was slung over Gerard's shoulder just as he was about to take a bite of his sandwich, and Gerard's knees almost gave in.

He turned his head to find Gabe Saporta's wide stupid grin right in front of his face and choked out a shocked “what”.

“Dude,” Gabe said. His eyes sparkled with excitement. “Mikey said you'd come to the gig on Saturday?! It's gonna be awesome, I promise! You know, the band is from somewhere in England, I don't know exactly from which corner anymore, but over there they're _huge_ already, so you won't regret it!”

Gerard blinked. “Okay?”

“Look, we're trying to fill the bar up, offer them an actual crowd, you know? So go ahead and invite everyone you know along, alright?” Gabe finished, and as suddenly as he was there he disappeared again.

Next to him on, Ryan, Hayley and Ray stared at him.

Gerard cleared his throat. “So. Uhm. You wanna come to the gig on Saturday?”


	12. Nutella and Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank's mom looked terrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haaa you thought i was gonna write the gig ??? nooo. im fighting through this story cause i actually suck at writing, im not gonna push my luck with some social event haha

When Gerard was certain that Frank did  _not_ in fact hide behind one of the huge trees in the park to suddenly jump him when he wouldn't expect it, he got out his phone and typed  _“dude whre r u”._

About a minute passed while he simply stared at his phone before Frank's reply flashed across his screen.

“ _home. mom got sick:( sry i ddnt mke it”_

Shit.

Gerard had known the woman for about 30 minutes, but when he thought about her tired eyes and halting movements he couldn't even imagine how she would look when she was actually _ill_. He couldn't help but worry, and maybe even feel a bit responsible, so he quickly typed out, “ _no worries man. u need help or smth? i can get soup nd stuff_ ” and hit Send.

“ _nah we r good, thanks_ ”

Gerard's face fell.

Of _course._ It was Frank's mom after all, Frank _probably_ knew how to care about her. Stupid. He was stupid.

His phone beeped.

“ _although_ ”

Gerard was just about to send a _?_ back when the second part appeared.

“ _u could get me a glass of nutella. nd some milk”_

Gerard deleted the _?._ Then he stared at the message for a few seconds just to make sure there's no sarcasm behind it and Frank wouldn't laugh at him when he turned up on his doorstep with Nutella and milk.

When he was entirely positive that Frank was serious, he sent back “ _what kind of milk_ ”.

That great british band would have to wait for now.

 

When he arrived at Frank's door, there was a sticky note on the door bell that said “do not ring the bell (she's got a head ache)!” so he carefully knocked on the door and waited.

When Frank opened the door, he was dressed in black skinny jeans and a red Lady GaGa women's shirt. His eyeliner was smudged half across one eye and his hair stuck up in every direction.

“You got the stuff?” he asked.

Gerard held up his shopping bag. “I got the stuff.”

 

Frank's mom looked _terrible_. If Gerard had thought she looked ill when they had dinner, it was nothing compared to this.

Linda actually looked _dead_. Her skin was ashen, her lips were chapped, the dark rings under her eyes now a deep purple.

Gerard's heart sunk into his knees when he saw her.

Then, Frank took his hand and pulled him into the kitchen.

“We gotta be quiet,” he said. “She just fell asleep.”

“She looks horrible,” Gerard couldn't help to comment.

“I know.” Frank sighed. He looked so sad. Gerard's chest hurt. “She wasn't exactly healthy for quite a while now, but it never was this bad. She can't even speak properly. Just coughing and a few words.”

When Frank looked at Gerard, though, there was something else in his eyes; hope.

“But she'll get better again. I'm sure.”

Gerard nodded. He didn't ask.


	13. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fucking Mikey.

“Where the _fuck_ were you yesterday?” Mikey hissed as soon as Gerard closed the front door behind him.

“At a friend's,” Gerard answered, quickly adding, “it was an emergency.”

But Mikey was absolutely unimpressed. “ _Oh!_ At a _friend's_. An _emergency._ Of _fucking_ course,” he spat. “A friend that's _apparently_ more important than your _own_ fucking _brother_. Thanks a fucking lot.”

“Mikey, calm down,” Gerard replied. He rolled his eyes. Fucking Mikey. This was getting ridiculous.

“How the fuck am I supposed to _calm down_!? You _promised_ you'd come, and you left me alone _again_!” the boy complained.

Gerard squinted. “I never promised _anything_. Please get down from that fucking high horse of yours.”

Mikey looked taken aback, but his eyes shone with anger. “Fuck you, Gerard. You're a shitty fucking brother.”

 

“Dude, where the _fuck_ have you _been_?” Hayley yelled at him on Monday.

Ray looked uncomfortable next to her. “Hayley, please calm down. I'm sure he has an explanation,” he said, but not without sending Gerard a look that said something along the lines ' _You better have an explanation_ '.

But Hayley wasn't finished yet. “No, man. That was a shit move, Gerard, inviting us along and then not even coming yourself!”

Gerard bit his lips and went to apologize, but she cut him off again. “Do you even know how annoying Gabe was? And your _brother_! _I_ had to tell them that we don't know where you are! Can you even imagine how disappointed he was!?”

_Fucking Mikey._

Ryan shuffled with his feet next to Hayley. He actually looked a bit pale and his lips were chapped, like he hadn't had much to drink lately.

Gerard swallowed. “I. Uhm. How was it, though?”

Hayley seemed like she wanted to rip off his head.

Ray however looked relieved at the opportunity to change the topic. “Oh my god, dude, it was _amazing_.”


	14. Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As soon as they were upstairs, Frank had his arms around Gerard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ALMOST FORGOT THAT TODAY WAS SATURDAY OH MY GOD

“Good morning, Linda,” Gerard greeted.

Linda looked up from the magazine she was holding as she walked into the small kitchen. “Oh!” She blinked as she saw him, and a smile spread across her face. She looked way better today, the dark circles under her eyes pretty much disappeared and a natural blush on her cheeks. “Good morning, Gerard! I didn't know you stayed over today!”

Gerard smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, erm. Frank asked me to stay, I hope this isn't too much trouble.”

Linda shook her head. “Oh, no, it's not at all.”

“I'm glad,” Gerard replied. The kettle whistled. He looked over and back to Linda and said, “Ah, I. I made tea for you.”

Surprise flashed across Linda's face, but her smile only grew. “Oh, honey, thanks a lot!”

Gerard smiled in return.

Then he saw Frank leaning against the door frame with a smile of his own on his face.

 

As soon as they were upstairs, Frank had his arms around Gerard.

Gerard tensed. “Wha–”

“Thank you, man. Thank you for your help. Thank you for not disappearing after seeing the state she's in sometimes. She really likes you, you know. Thank you, Gerard. This means a lot to me,” the boy mumbled into Gerard's t-shirt.

 _Oh_. “Uhm. But. Oh. Erm,” he started awkwardly. “You're. Welcome?”

Frank tensed as well then, seeming to notice how Gerard just stands there. He quickly let go of the taller boy and took a step back. “Oh shit, I'm sorry. Is this weird? I'm sorry, man,” he started, but Gerard cut him off.

“No, no! It's okay, it's just. I didn't think it would be such a great deal, is all, you know?” he said, but when he saw Frank's confused look he quickly added, “I thought. It's like the obvious think to do, right? Try to help.”

Frank hugged him again. This time Gerard hugged him back.


	15. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey had his arms crossed. This was serious.

Mikey had his arms crossed. This was serious. Most of the time he didn't care enough about anything Gerard did to even lift a finger.

Gerard quietly shut the front door behind him and carefully asked, “Why are you still awake?”

Mikey frowned. “I waited for you.”

This was not good.

Gerard tried for casual. “I can see that. But why? You've got school tomorrow.”

“So do you, idiot.” Gerard was an idiot. “Where have you been?”

He bit his lip. He knew what the answer would be, but he simply didn't have any other response than “At a friend's.”

Mikey's eye twitched. It was creepy. “ _Oh_. At your _friend's_ again. Of course, I should have known,” he growled. “Hey Gee, why do you never come here with them?,” he asked then, “when do _I_ get to meet your apparently _amazing_ friends myself, hu?”

Gerard frowned. “Why would you want to meet them? You've got Gabe and all his friends, why do you care who _I_ hang out with?”

Mikey clenched his jaw and seemed to have completely ignored what Gerard just said. “I want to meet them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i want to use this opportunity (aka the end notes) to thank yall for leaving kudos <3 and tell you this;  
> first of all i just found a muse/mcr cross fic and when i found out matt and dom were going to a mcr concert i was crying with laughter  
> second of all, there are about 7 to 9 chapters left, which are mostly done and i only have to type them out now (which im at right now haha) so instead of continueing to post two chapters a week until the middle of january i could UPTHRUST THE VOLUME and maybe post three or four chapters a week to finally finish this thing off, THAT IS if you want me to !! if not thats a-okay too because i actually have to finish an 8 page paper on Punk in East Germany until tomorrow (of which i already have one and a half page and a shitload of stupid guidelines) but we all know how procrastinating goes haha  
> third (of all???? can you say that. does that make sense) i already have got an idea for the second part of the Accepting and Rejecting series which is. kinda sad but not really?? more like angering. thinking about it makes me a bit angry, i like that. im gonna see how to write it out after i finish this story.  
> SO YEA basically im only asking if i should post more than two chapters a week now, just to finish the story a bit quicker? so that would be cool if you could leave me a comment maybe. or not.  
> (looks like the end notes are longer than the chapter haha. im sorry about this)


	16. Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He's an asshole. He always was.”

“My brother wants to meet you,” Gerard blurted out into the silence.

Frank looked surprised. “I didn't know you have a brother.”

Gerard raised an eyebrow. “You didn't?”

The younger boy smiled. “Well, you never said anything about him.”

“Oh,” he breathed. “Well, uhm. He's kind of _special_ , you know?,” he explained.

“Not exactly. I'm an only child,” Frank grinned.

Gerard rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“No, no, I'm sorry. Tell me about him, please,” Frank said and put his book aside to sit up against his bed's headboard.

Gerard pressed his lips together and folded his hands in his lap. “Erm, okay. Well. Mikey is kinda … I don't know, man,” he started. “He's kinda. A bit arrogant? And egocentric. He's mean.”

Frank watched him carefully.

He continued, “Mikey always took the last pancake, and he drowned it in peanut butter and then he only ate like two bites. Really slowly, because he knew we weren't supposed to get up before everybody was finished. And when he finally said he was _so full!_ , he always offered the rest of his pancake to me. He knew exactly that I was allergic to nuts. He's an asshole. He always was.”

“Oh,” Frank said.

Gerard sighed. “Yeah.”

They sat in silence, until Frank cleared his throat and said, “So, he wants to meet me?”

Gerard lowered his eyes. “I guess.”

Frank was quiet for a moment. Then he asked, “But… would you be okay with that?”

Gerard was not. He was not at all.

“I …”

“Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad or anything,” Frank told him.

Gerard looked up at that and went to apologize. Just because Frank wasn't mad, doesn't mean he wasn't hurt. “I'm. I just don't want … that he … it's stupid. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

The younger boy just shook his head. “It's not stupid. If you don't want us to meet, that's okay. I'm not mad.”


	17. Ryan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You mean. As a …,” he trails off.  
> “Date,” Gerard finishes for him.

“Listen!” Gerard all but yelled. Lunch was almost over and there were only few people left in the cafeteria except the blond boy and his friend.

Ryan looked up from his sandwich, startled.

Gerard bit his lip. “Ok. Look. Uhm.”

Ryan seemed to get nervous now.

“I– Uhm. _Fuck._ ” Gerard was about to slap himself. He tried again, slowly, actually thinking of the words he wants to say. “Hayley told me. That. Uhm. You– you know.” He gestured lightly.

At his words, the other boy blushed furiously.

Gerard swallowed. “That– that you were particularly excited to see me, you know. That saturday,” he finally got out.

Ryan looked like he wanted to die. His eyes were fixated on his sandwich. “I– uhm. That doesn't mean– You have–“

“No, no, wait, I want to–,” Gerard cut in, but Ryan just kept rambling.

“This is not– I didn't mean to–“

“I'm sorry,” Gerard tried again, and this time, Ryan stopped short.

“What–“

“I'm sorry for just not turning up. Hayley was right, that was a shit move.”

Ryan bit his lip.

Gerard went on, “And I wanted to. Uhm. Ask you, to maybe, if you like, not hate me for dumping you, to maybe. Come to this party with me?”

Ryan's shoulders slumped. Gerard didn't think that was a good sign.

But when Ryan looked up, his eyes seemed to brighten. He still looked unsure, though. “You mean. As a …,” he trails off.

“Date,” Gerard finishes for him.

Ryan stared at him.

Gerard stared back.

Then, the corner of Ryan's lip twitched. “Okay.”


	18. Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, Ryan, hello there. I'm Mikey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to apologize for being a loser at UPTHRUSTING THE VOLUME hh  
> im probably gonna upload another chapter in like. 30 minutes  
> its gonna be fun

Mikey's eyes scanned over Ryan. “So you're...?”

“That's Ryan,” Gerard said.

His brother turned to look at him and narrowed his eyes. Then he turned back to Ryan with a sickeningly sweet smile. “Well, Ryan, hello there. I'm Mikey,” he introduced himself.

Ryan just nodded shyly and answered, “I- I know.”

Mikey laughed at that and said, “Of course you do.”

Gerard cleared his throat. He wanted to get away from his brother. “Well, now, if you'd excuse us,” he mumbled and without another look he took Ryan's hand and walked in the other direction.

“I'm sorry,” he said as soon as he was sure that they're out of earshot, but Ryan just shook his head.

“It's okay, I guess. You didn't do anything wrong. And actually, I think he remembered me from the Rocket Baby Dolls gig.”

Gerard looked at him with confusion. “The who?”

Ryan's lip twitched. “Nevermind. Hey, you wanna get something to drink?”

“Yeah.”

 

It almost lasted 20 minutes before Mikey materialized next to Gerard again. “Gee!!”

Gerard cringed. “What.”

His brother smiled at him. “We're playing Truth or Dare! You and Ryder should-”

“His name is Ryan,” Gerard said and rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, you should come play with us,” Mikey continued. “I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get to know him better.”

“I don't think that would-,” he started but was cut off by Mikey's laugh.

“I don't think you understand,” he grinned, and it sounded awfully familiar.


	19. Truth or Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If we win this, I'll definitively make this up to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i was kidding  
> its going to go downhill from here  
> btw, its kinda confusing but the next chapter will explain dont worry  
> ALSo im sorry

“Gerard.”

Gerard's ears were ringing. A murmur goes through their round, about ten people sat in a small circle, but he can't take his eyes off Ryan, Ryan who was sitting two seats over and looking like he was going to explode because of all the blood in his head, and Gerard can't stop repeating the name he just said in his mind, _his_ name. He knows he shouldn't be staring, not when Ryan's face was already the colour of a fucking tomato but he can't stop- can't-

“Gerard,” came a giggle from the other side of the circle. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” he answered immediately, not even caring about the laughs that followed his answer.

 

“Gerard–,” Ryan gasped. His arms were tightening around Gerard's neck, trying to get him closer.

He was quick to comply, pulling Ryan's hips into his own and pressing his thigh against Ryan's hard-on.

“Ah! Please…”

“Shh,” Gerard whispered and dragged his lips over Ryan's. “You need to hold on.”

Ryan pushed his hands into Gerard's hair and he had a flashback to the Monday after he dyed his hair. Ryan had barely brushed it then. It was nothing to this, his fingers raking through the strands, scratching his scalp and _pulling_ him in to a messy kiss again.

Gerard kissed back for a few moments but then he pulled away.

“No, no, no,” Ryan whined. His face was flushed, lips spit-slick and swollen. He looked so good, Gerard thought.

“Shh. We need to go back out, or we're losing this round,” he said, but leaned back in to whisper, “and if we win this, I'll definitively make this up to you.”


	20. Making it real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck off and let me tell, asswipe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so unsure about this but. idek its not like i can just completely rewrite it haha so here u go  
> hey also  
> merry christmas <3

As Christmas grew closer, they moved their meeting place from the park to Frank's kitchen.

It turned out that the delivery of Nutella and milk that Saturday afternoon hadn't been random at all, like Gerard thought.

Frank made some kick-ass hot chocolate.

Gerard watched quietly as Frank made his way back and forth in the small kitchen, getting this and putting more of that in the milk and running over to the microwave and getting spoons and starting the microwave again and again. He never really noticed just how energetic the kid was.

“Dude,” Frank cut into the silence and shot him a look over his shoulders as he swirled two spoons through one cup of sweet liquid, “what the fuck is up with you?”

“Hu? Nothing,” Gerard responded. He didn't think anything was.

“Usually you're talking my ear off, you know. Or, at least I can hear you breathing,” Frank continued. “It's like you're not here at all.”

Gerard sat up as Frank set the two mugs between them on the table. “Uhm. Maybe something happened.”

The other boy just raised his eyebrows.

Gerard rolled his eyes.

Frank stuck his tongue out.

“Fuck off. Anyway. Erm. You know, that party, where Mikey wanted to meet you?”

“U-hu.”

“I. I– eh, I took Ryan. There. You know, to meet him. Because I couldn't just go there alone, not when Mikey expected–”

“It's okay, Gerard, get to the point,” Frank smiled a bit.

“I'm getting there! Get off my back,” Gerard grinned back, but quickly composed himself to what was to come. “So, anyway. Mikey had this _stupid_ idea to play Truth or Dare, and–”

Frank giggled. “Oh my god.”

“ _Fuck off_ and let me _tell_ , asswipe.”

“Fuck, sorry, okay,” Frank grinned.

“ _And_ ,” the older boy started again, “of course, Mikey's first question for Ryan was _Who he liked_ ,” he pitched his voice to imitate Mikey's prepubescent one. He swallowed.

Frank's grin was wiped right off his face. “Oh my god. It was –”

“Me,” Gerard quietly finished for Frank and went right on. “And. I. Maybe I.” He cleared his throat. “Maybe I kinda liked him, too.”

“What did you do?”

“I took a Dare.”

“Gerard–,” Frank started, but quickly shut his mouth again.

The blond boy sighed. “I know.”

After a few moments of contemplating silence, Frank asked, “What did it say?”

Gerard looked down at his hot chocolate. There were tiny brown particles on the surface. He swirled his spoon through them and watched them disperse like fish in the sea before taking a gulp and answering, “They wanted me to give him a boner and leave him hanging.”

Frank stared at Gerard.

Gerard stared right back.

“That's fucking mean,” Frank said.

“I know,” Gerard responded. “That's. Uhm. That's why I maybe. Said that, I don't know. Nevermind. Anyway, I had to do it, you know, so I did, but.”

“But what?”

Gerard sighed. “We left. Together.”

Frank was silent.


	21. A Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard has had his fair share of boyfriends, and the thing he had with Ryan was better than most of the relationships he had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i procrastinated this chapter almost as much as my project and i don't like the beginning at ALL holy cow  
> and like i mentioned in a comment i'm just gonna jump right to the end of ryans and gerards relationship because this is not a gerard/ryan story but a frank/gerard story blabla  
> and i hope you're not put off by my terrible writing style because the last chapter is actually my favourite chapter in the whole story and it would be a shame if nobody was around to read it haha sigh  
> basically this chapter sets like one and a half or two months from the last one so here you go  
> i'll be back tomorrow

Here's the thing: It was great. Gerard has had his fair share of boyfriends, and the thing he had with Ryan was better than most of the relationships he had before.

They waited for each other after school, and even when Gerard got into trouble again and had to spend another hour in detention or the garden, Ryan always hung around until he turned up. They did all those couple things straight people always do like going to the movies or making out behind the corner store. After one month, Ryan even was over at Gerard's for dinner.

But there were subtle things that irritated Gerard. Ryan seemed like he was too scared to talk about anything. He always waited for Gerard to start a conversation. After they had sex, he always looked so content in Gerard's arms, but he always turned around and didn't meet Gerard's eyes until the next morning. And then, there was also the way Ryan looked at Mikey.

But then again, maybe there was something to the way Gerard looked at Frank, too.

 

Gerard wanted to do this on a mediocre day. No sunshine, but no rain either (that would be too depressing.) He wanted to do it in the afternoon, when school was over and Ryan could just go home without seeing him again 50 minutes later. He wanted to do it calmly, he wanted to try to be as rational as feelings could get. He wanted Ryan to be as okay as possible. He wanted many things.

It all went down the drain when he caught Ryan after his second class in front of his classroom, his eyes shining with affection for the blond boy. It was then when Gerard decided that he couldn't pretend to be the perfect couple they were not, and maybe it was selfish but Ryan needed to know.

So he took Ryans hand, for the last time probably, he thought, and tugs him along, through the mass of students, through the hallways, through the doors, into the snow, and that's when he stopped. Right in front of his school he turned to Ryan because he couldn't hold it back anymore, he couldn't –

“Ryan.”

“What's going on?” the other boy stared at Gerard, panic clear in his eyes.

“Ryan, I …,” he trailed off again.

Ryan shivered and looked around and back to Gerard. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? What are we doing out here?”

The wind cut through Gerard's clothes. He forgot to bring his jacket. Suddenly Ryan's hand in his felt too hot, burning his skin, and he dropped it. He didn't have the right to hold it anymore anyway. 

Ryan took a step back and wrapped his arms around himself. He looked so small. “Gerard?” he asked again.

“Ryan, I–,” he tried once again. “We need to break up.” And it should feel like a weight was lifted off his shoulders but it didn't, it felt like there was a fucking elephant on top of him, and the look of surprise,  _ shock _ , in Ryan's eyes made it so hard to breathe.

“What?” he choked out.

“I- I care about you, Ryan. You're like, the best boyfriend I've had  _ in my life _ ,” he explained, “and you mean so much to me, but–”  _ It's not enough.  _ “But I think–”

“You think you can't do this anymore?” Ryan asked quietly through the wind. “With me?”

And it hurt to hear it from his mouth, because it made him sound like the asshole he was. “I'm sorry,” he just said. “I'm so sorry.”

And in this moment, he sweared, he could see Ryan's heart break right in front of him, and then he found himself running.


	22. Frank

Gerard stumbled up the porch, the world blurring before his eyes.

He knocked and leaned against the door frame.

His lungs burned. He ran here, right after he talked to Ryan. He would probably spend his Friday afternoon gardening again, but he couldn't care less in that moment.

Ryan.

Ryan's eyes, the way they sparkled every time when Gerard had said his name. The little twitch of his lips, every time Gerard had made his way over to him. His hands, the ones he got to hold every day, long fingers and soft tips on Gerard's cheeks–

By the time Frank opened the door, Gerard was on his knees, hugging himself and sobbing and coughing his lungs and crying his heart out.

“R-Ryan and. And I. Broke up,” he gasped out before he could think about it, before he remembered the way Ryan's face fell, the light in his eyes shattered, the smile on his lips disappeared once again just because he–

“Oh shit. Oh, _shit._ Come on, Gerard, come in.”

Gerard probably got snot all over Frank by the time he ended up in Frank's bed, shoes and jacket off and forgotten somewhere along the way. Frank disappeared then and came back some time later with two cups of hot chocolate.

“Come on, Gerard, tell me what happened.”

So Gerard did.

 

Gerard's throat was raw, his eyes dry and heavy, but he couldn't allow himself to sleep just yet.

There was something on his mind, itching his conscience, tingling on his tongue, and his clouded brain couldn't stop itself from letting it slip out.

“Frank,” he whispered.

Frank hummed.

“It's you, Frank.”

But the other boy didn't understand, he just said, “Yeah, it's me. I'm here, Gerard.”

“It's you,” he said again, willing him to understand.

And this time, when Frank answered, “It's me,” there was something else in his voice.

Gerard looked up from where he was lying on Frank's chest, Frank's fingers stilling in his hair, and met his eyes, warm and comforting, and suddenly his mind didn't itch anymore, the clouds in his head parted and Gerard didn't feel like crying anymore.

Whining maybe. But not crying.

He laid his head back down and sighed heavily. “High School sucks ass, man.”

Frank chuckled. Gerard shook a bit with the vibrations on top of him. Then the fingers in Gerard's hair started moving again.

“I don't even know what all this is about anymore. It's bullshit. What am I doing?” he continued.

Frank was silent for a few moments, probably thinking, because the next thing he said was, “You know, I think it's about all this shit everybody tells you. Some say it's the best time of your life. Some say it's making them suicidal. The thing is, High School is just High School. And if you get stuck on the idea that High School sucks ass, it's gonna suck ass. It's what you make of it. It's literally that easy.”

“You think so?”

“I do,” Frank answered.

“Huh,” Gerard said.

His eyes closed themselves. He was tired.

“Thank you, Frank,” he mumbled.

“No problem, Gerard,” Frank replied. There was a smile in his voice. “Sleep now.”

So Gerard did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayy yall did it we're through this is the end thanks very much for reading i hope you had fun and happy new year  
> now there might be some overall questions about the story so im gonna take a few i thought off and bullshit some answers to them and if you have any questions left you can just ask and im gonna answer as best as i can !  
> also maybe if you got feedback on the story, youre very welcome to share
> 
> so okay. how old is frank even. here it comes; he's 15. surprise! he dropped out of school when he was 14 and got work to support linda in case her health got worse.  
> now, whats up with linda? it's funny cause i originally just threw some symptoms together but then i got the stupid idea to google them and they came up with Fibromyalgia which is basically "a heightened and painful response to pressure" as wikipedia says (i recommend to look it up it's kinda complicated)  
> who's the dude who called gerard a fag in the first chapter? as i wrote that chapter i was focused on that high school au list by badmcrfics so i thought Hey why not start with an evil bully! but i love making up context as i go so im gonna pretend i knew all along that that guy was actually just some kid that wanted to get attention and friends by throwing slurs at the new kid and then got kicked in the nuts in his p.e. class afterwards cause no one likes homophobes  
> why did gabe get a chapter dedicated to him even though he only said 77 words in the whole story? thats easy. gerard didn't like gabe all through the story. i just wanted to show that gabe was actually really nice and gerard is just a narrowminded white teenage boy that doesnt like people who rather go to a party instead of reading batman or whatever tf he does.  
> there we go!! thanks again for reading and leaving kudos and comments!!✨✨✨


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